Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 38

The theme for this weeks broadcast – I’ve Discovered The Secret!
The theme for last weeks broadcast – Back To Our Roots. – Where Did We Go Wrong?

In this completely winged episode we spend a great amount of time discussing a very worthwhile topic; “The Secret”. What is the secret? I do the best job I can explaining what it means to me. Please listen to this episode to change every aspect of your life. I’m telling you, this is one of the most helpful shows we’ve ever done. Hell, it’s the only helpful show we’ve ever done and will probably be the last. I feel like Puking.

Then we jump head long into why my black friends can’t listen to the show, why I wake up with someone’s dick in my ass, how my dad explained the Birds and the Bees by sticking it in my mom’s ass, How do girls know I think their whores?, Why Positive Conservatism will always whip Negative Liberalism to death and shit down it’s throat, Why I hope we are attacked by Terrorists again, 2 Pac ain’t dead, but he should have been killed way sooner than he was, Treason makes a comeback, In a Pink Room with Beef Curtains, Titties in 08, We have the best Governor of any state, Have you ever hate fucked someone or Donkey Punched them?, I Would like to Donkey Sanchez Barbara Streisand, Pop and Politics Sucks, Gore is a Hypocritical Asshole, & Wasn’t Nigger Knocker a term when I was a kid?

Make sure you check out the Top 10 Things George W. Bush Can’t Be Blamed For This Week.

House Cleaning!
Call the show and be a part of the laughs. Our Skype name is behindcloseddoors and if you don’t use Skype, you can call us direct at 813-902-2345. The show tapes every Friday at 5PM Eastern Standard time. Start calling at 4:30 and we’ll get you on the show.

God Bless!

Check us out at www.dirtylittlecuban.com or on iTunes Podcast Behind Closed Doors.

If you’re gonna rob me of some of my soul by listening to this show, then Hate or Love us right now at rolando@dirtylittlecuban.com.

Vote for Behind Closed Doors at Podcast Alley!

Check out the Show, tell your friends about it, leave comments or email, listen together and argue about it.

Behind Closed Doors
EVERYBODY SAYS THIS STUFF; I JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD!

Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 37

The theme for this weeks broadcast – Back To Our Roots.
The theme for last weeks broadcast – Welcome To The New Studio! – Things Should Be Quieter Here!

This week we revisit why Behind Closed Doors is slipping into the Abyss. We have started to take ourselves too serious and we hope to never do that again.. I kicked ass in my last stand up comedy competition and still lost since I’m not black or fat. I’m so tired of white guy discrimination. Why would anyone ever want to become a cop? Thank you Foley for some news not related to Iraq. We don’t know what we’re talking about. Welcome to the new studio. I can’t speak my mind in public and that’s total bullshit. Why am I muddy? That Damn Bush Economy! Weird Al Rocks! Amish Paradise! New Media is taking over! How comedy works!

Top 10 things George W. Bush commented On.

Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 35

The theme for this weeks broadcast – Laugh Or Put A Gun In Your Mouth.
The theme for last weeks broadcast – Please remember 9/11 – it matters!

Our iTunes podcast page has changed. They change the look of it and also iTunes is now emailing me regarding advertising with them. I’m sure every podcaster get’s the email, but I like to think, they targeted us specifically.

Why do chicks keep calling, emailing & texting me, then I offer them some dick and they don’t take it. What do they want? I don’t call text or email them. I only respond to what they do. I will never understand chicks. They can’t possibly think I’m a friend; all I ever talk about is sticking my Cuban cigar in their ass. What kind of friend would do that?

My mom actually corrected me last weekend when one of my stalkers just mentioned above was giving me a hard time at the pool. My mom jumps in and tells me not to talk to a lady like that to which I responded when I find one I will act accordingly. Guy’s never take advice from your mom with chicks, they have no clue. Neither do I, but doing everything my mom has told me not to has garnered me a lot of pussy in my time.

So my ex wife is trying to kill herself and redecorate the house at the same time. Last week, she fell and hit her head on her dresser splitting it wide open and gashing voluminous amounts of blood. The today she opened the cupboard door in the kitchen, the cabinet with all the glass in it came crashing down on her head and filled every squre inch of tile with shards of broke glass. I told her, I get it, you want to redecorate, stop trashing the place.

I went to see World Trade Center last Saturday night. It was a good movie, not great, but good. It was a story about 2 guys trapped in the rubble until they were saved, that was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

I had a client this week kinda backing me into a corner to work past 5 this past Monday and I was really immature about the whole deal acting like a baby and being real pissy with them. It was my fault, I should have said no. No one should work past 5 ever, unless of course you start at 5 then by all means have at it. There is nothing more important than having a life in the short time we are here. I guess if your work is your passion then maybe, but everything needs balance.

9/11 The Path To Clinton Revisionism!

So ABC puts out this movie about 9/11 that Clintons lawyers demand get pulled before airing since some of the responsibility of our nations worst disaster might fall on his shoulders. Did it really take a movie of the week to expose this? Was any President in our history friendlier with terrorist nations and leaders than Mr. Clinton? I think not.

No one argues that the attacks of 9/11 took at least 10 years to plan and Clinton was at the wheel for 8 of those 10 years yet every ounce of blame falls on a man in power for 9 months. Surely, some of the blame has to be Clinton’s. It can’t all be GW’s fault, although as the event get’s closer to happening, someone could have stopped it.

It’s also no secret that the Police, FBI and CIA didn’t share information during the Clinton era which could have saved us all from the events of 9/11. Will this movie change anything? No. Bill Clinton and his disciples will die thinking he was the best president the world has ever seen, no matter what. It’s crucial to hold on to the past, when the future is better than your glory days.

It’s like all of us remembering what we were like at seventeen. I had hair; I could dance, and used to fuck several bitches daily like a porn star on red bull. Now I have no hair, would break a hip while dancing and don’t remember what a pussy looks like.

Why Can’t My Show Be Responsible For Someone Killing Themselves? Talk About A Ratings Boost!

Nancy Grace (a TV talkshow host) is taking heat for grilling the mother of a missing child who ended up shooting herself a day after the show. This has I’m guilty written all over it. My prediction off the top of my head is she killed or sold her little girl for money. Her family of course blames the suicide on the heat from the media. If you didn’t agree to appear on Nancy Grace’s show you wouldn’t have gotten grilled. If you didn’t do anything wrong, you would have told her to get fucked.

Now your daughter is gone and you can’t help her or anyone concerned for her well being because you took the absolutely most selfish approach to any problem. I have tried for years to get people to kill themselves, bad neighbors, bad bosses, the dickhead that killed my brother-in-law, assholes in general and nothing. Give me a nationally syndicated talk show, I’ll have mother fuckers jumping off bridges at an astonishing rate. I can do it!

While we’re talking about suicides, how about these weak minded, stupid teenagers that are going to pro-suicide web sites looking for answers. I got your answer. First kill the uninvolved, useless always on vacation parents that let you surf pro-suicide web sites in the first place and never sit down with you to gauge if your normal or Columbine. I ask my son every day, so how are you doin’, everything goin’ alright, everything cool, did anything piss you off today, want to talk about it?

Parenting is a full time fucking job. If you’re not up to it, castrate yourself and stop fucking the world up with these mental defectives.

Death Of A President And A Nation.

So Democrat porn came out this week in the form of Death Of A President where G.W. get’s killed by an assassins bullet. I don’t think a sitting President has ever been killed in a movie. That just tells me that times are continually getting worse and somehow people have less respect for George Bush than for Bill Clinton. I don’t really know how that happened but I could do a whole show on that.

Let’s pretend that George W. Bush is killed, then what? What person is going to step up to do what they think will save our nation from crazy fuckers who want us all dead and do what they believe will accomplish that in spite of what the media thinks. I heard in a movie this week that “a man sticks up for himself and a leader sticks up for those who can’t stand up for themselves”. Time will tell if Bush was right or wrong, for now, there aren’t RPG’s going off outside my condo, nothing of any significance has happened in 5 years, and only 3 thousand troops have lost their life keeping the battle out of my backyard.

My 8 year old son has no idea that 9/11 happened and that there are troops fighting to keep it that way. We are at war and our lives are perfectly normal. If that doesn’t speak volumes about America and our President, I don’t know what does.

God Bless America in spite of itself.

Do My Eyes Deceive Me? Is There Actually A Printed News Story About The Bad Guys Getting Killed And The Good Guys Doing The Killing?

A U.S. Embassy in Syria was attacked with guns and bombs and not a single American life was lost. That may not be anything out of the ordinary. What is out of the ordinary is the fact that Syrian police are the ones responsible for saving American lives. Who saw that one coming? Not me, but then again, I ain’t all that bright.

Even better, 3 out of 4 of the terrorist were killed in the attack and the fourth is in custody. That is fucking cool. No all we have to do is televise the continual shocking of this dirt bags balls rendering him useless to the 40 virgins he did all this shit for. I volunteer for the job of head ball shocker. If given the opportunity, I would burn clean, the balls of our enemies until ball juice ran through the streets like a river. Or something like that.

How Could This Possibly Have Been The Second Warmest Summer Ever On Record? How Could # 1 Be In 1936? What About SUV’s And George Bush?

That’s right folks, not only were there not SUV’s in 1936, but the first car manufacturers were French, not American. How can this be? It goes against everything the Wish tells me. It goes against the evil SUV’s. It goes against my dad. My dad is currently looking to buy an SUV and he tells me that people left and right are getting rid of their SUV’s. I guess that would be easy to believe when your looking to buy on and the Wish keeps telling us over and over how bad everything is and that the price of gas will be the end of us all.

I tried to explain to him, that getting rid of my SUV has never crossed my mind, neither has the price of gas or how much it cost to fill my tank. You know why? I can’t do shit about it. I only try to give thought to things within’ my power to change. The price of gas would classify as something out of my control. None of my friends have ever talked about getting rid of their SUV’s or trucks either. Now I must admit, that most of the people I associate with are not broke, whoa is me losers who have no business owning an SUV in the first place and that may be the reason I feel the way I do.

I have been saying the same thing for as long as I remember about the price of things in this world, “all I can do is make more money”. It’s just like my trips to Vegas where I spend a grand on strippers. Every time I go back, there more expensive or I just want more, I don’t know, the point is every trip has cost more than the last. All I can do is make more money.

Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 34

The theme for this weeks broadcast – Please remember 9/11 – it matters...
The theme for last weeks broadcast – Where The Hell Has Behind Closed Doors Been? – It’s been way too long!

My son may be retarded. I was trying to help him with his math homework yesterday, something I can barely do myself and he’s sitting there like he’s never seen a math problem in his whole life.

I’m getting too busy to follow my dreams. That’s fucking bullshit.

My car has now officially been hit 6 times in 2 years, 4 of which I wasn’t even in the car. What the fuck. Who would have guessed the idiot that hit me had no insurance?

How come I always want to buy shit out of season?

I had to get my condo painted 3 times when I finally got someone who wanted the money.

Another chick that doesn’t know what a spinner is. Her man actually told her that calling her a nincompoop is a pet name, but me calling her a spinner is derogatory.

What makes you think I give a fuck about you and you’re boyfriend? If I had a dime for every time a girl tried to convince me I wouldn’t hit it, I’d be a rich as Jeda. What is that all about? As a guy I tell you right up front, yes I will and want to fuck you.

Tedd’s Mild Cardial Infraction – What the hell happened? - Do you remember what you said to me last week at your party right before we walked back into your house.

Tedd, why has my singing never gotten me laid?

The 5th year anniversary of 9/11 is 3 days away have you seen World Trade Center yet?

House Cleaning!
Call the show and be a part of the laughs. Our Skype name is behindcloseddoors and if you don’t use Skype, you can call us direct at 813-902-2345. The show tapes every Friday at 5PM Eastern Standard time. Start calling at 4:30 and we’ll get you on the show.

God Bless!

Check us out at www.dirtylittlecuban.com or on iTunes Podcast Behind Closed Doors.

If you’re gonna rob me of some of my soul by listening to this show, then Hate or Love us right now at rolando@dirtylittlecuban.com.

Vote for Behind Closed Doors at Podcast Alley!

Check out the Show, tell your friends about it, leave comments or email, listen together and argue about it.

Behind Closed Doors
EVERYBODY SAYS THIS STUFF; I JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD!

Why Are We Allowing Anyone From Iran To Speak In The U.S. Without A Gun In Their Mouth And A Jewish Cock In Their Ass?

First we have the Ex President form Iran scheduled to speak at Harvard on the fifth anniversary of 9/11 and the current douchebag of Iran scheduled to speak at the General Assembly of the world body on September 19. What the fuck is going on here? Has everyone in charge of everything lost their fucking minds?

Of course the dipshits at Harvard say that open dialogue is necessary. Unless theses cocksuckers hear from us that we will gladly kill ourselves, their not really interested in any dialogue. When has dialogue ever solved anything? Most people leave a disagreement thinking exactly what they thought before saying a thing.

Think about it. You meet a hot girl and think she’s a slut. You spend some time talking with her in church and realize she’s still a slut. Don’t get me wrong, you will still giver here the pipe, but a slut she will always be in your mind especially if she laughs at the size of your dick. Then she’ll be on the all time biggest slut list.

I’m, Gay For Newt.

Newt Gingrich recently penned an 11 step plan that he and I both believe will save the fucked up, misguided, lost republican party before it’s too late and our nations prosperity disappears for a while or maybe forever. Due to a lck of time I will only read the steps and ask that you get off your fat ass and look it up for yourself and read the whole thing. It’s worth it, believe me.

Step number 1 – Make English the official language of Government.

2. Control the borders.
3. Keep God in the Pledge.
4. Require a voter ID card
5. Repeal the death tax for good.
6. Restore property rights
7. Achieve Substantial energy independence
8. Control spending and balance the budget
9. Tie education funding to teacher accountability
10. Defend America from the irreconcilable wing of islam.
11. Focus on Iran and N. Korea

I don’t want to keep having to point this shit out to you people time and time again, but Behind Closed Doors has covered just about every topic on this letter from Newt in great detail and I’m not a politician, news anchor or even smart for that matter. I’m just an ordinary guy that pays attention.

Please, please do the same yourself or start learning Arabic right now. Pretty soon we’ll all be saying “Welcome to 7-11” except they’ll change the name to 9-11.

Crikey, What the Fuck God?

Is heaven in need of a crazy Australian who plays with the most dangerous animals in the world because that’s the only explanation I can give for a stingray killing one of the most passionate people I’ve ever seen. This guy loved life and loved his job and when that job is saving animals, how fucking cool is that?

I always knew he would die doing this job, I just never thought it would be from a stingray. I had a great white shark or crocodile in mind. Afterall it would make for way better footage. My mom knows I watch a lot of animal planet with my son and that’s how I found out. She called to tell me and I was a bit affected.

I was just telling a friend last week that I don’t usually give a shit when a total stranger dies. There’s not enough hours in the day to have sympathy for everyone and everything that’s fucked up so years ago, I just decided to worry myself with people I know. Here’s the strange thing. I don’t know Steve Irwin at all, but I can relate very much to his personality.

I am a kid that never grew up and so was he. I feel like I knew him and I think it totally sucks that a guy that cool can die from some bullshit like that. Today also happens to be the 3 year anniversary of my brother-in-laws death, one of the coolest people I’ve ever know in my entire life taken away way too early over some bullshit.

Only the good die young, you evil bastards seem to live forever and fuck you for that.

ABC, You Fucked Up. You Should Have Asked Michael Moore To Make Your Path To 9/1 Movie!

There’s only one person on earth who has poetic license to create pure crap fiction movies and present them as fact with no repercussions whatsoever. We all know that piece of shit as Michael Moore and all you had to do was promise him enough food to feed his fat lying ass for the duration of the filming.

Why is everyone so bent out of shape? Is it because this film might make the immortalized Bill Clinton look like a fuckup or someone who dropped the ball? And speaking of dropping the ball, the film apparently gives you the impression that Clinton was too concerned worrying about Monica Lewinsky to catch Bin Laden. I honestly don’t believe Clinton worries about anything ever.

If anyone was obsessed with Monica Lewinsky, it’s the same body usually over invested in all of the irrelevant information of the world. The Wish Media. They will be the death of us all by continually keeping our focus centered on everything that doesn’t matter.

Where’s My God Damned Scoreboard?

Iraq took over control of its own military just the other day. A pretty big accomplishment considering how many people have been calling us occupiers since this war began. Funny, there’s not much about this on the news. How is it that every time you demand the President or the military do something you’re standing on top of a mountain pounding your chest and screaming your lungs out like Tarzan, yet every time your demands are met, you’re nowhere to be found.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess the reason is that you don’t really care about the outcome of whatever it is you are bitching about at that moment, you just need a drum to beat and as long as no one on your side get’s caught in the crossfire it’s all good.

Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 33

The theme for this weeks broadcast – Where The Hell Has Behind Closed Doors Been? – It’s been way too long!
The theme for last weeks broadcast – Why Bother Being Right? – It’s too much work.

In this extremely Anti-Semitic episode Jeda visits a porn conference and manages to only fuck his girlfriend. What was the point of going again? Chino – a childhood friend (hood being the operative word) joined us to expose my checkered past. The Dirty Jew Bastard calls in and goes on a rampage. Man, he’s one angry Jew. This was quite possible the worst show we’ve ever done and we apologize in advance. There are some funny parts, but they are far apart and why is Jeda so fucking serious?


Quotes!
“I’m all for pullin’ out just not in a war. Can we start testing in Iran?” – Rolando

“I got my niggers mixed up”. - Rolando

“That was a nigger fauxpaux”. - Rolando

“I wish I was the one nailin’ Jesus to the cross”. – Dirty Jew Bastard

Revelations!
The Show Bit!

Scorched Earth Top 5!
No Dirty little Mexican this week. Maybe he crossed the border.

Inventions and Creations!
We invented a Crappy Episode

BCDictionary!

Observations & Other Shit!
Our Porn Names and where they originated.

Cognito – The Big Whad

Jeda – Jeda

Rolando – Cockman


How much cum does it take to fill a pool?

Our cum tastes like:

Rolando - Warm Milk or Salty

Jeda – Salty (after much hesitation). I’m starting to wonder if he’s ever gotten head.

Cognito – Bad vodka


Have you ever cum in a chick’s eye?

Have you ever cum on a chick and they got mad?

Have you ever had a chick blame you for not being able to shit right for a week after you hit it?


Distance – you guys got a record? I have like 8 feet myself and you?

Cognito – Ceiling

Jeda – Over chick length.


Whacked Teacher of The Week!

Useless Study of the Week!

Myspace Is Responsible For All That Is Evil On Earth!

You Tube Is Responsible For All That Is Evil On Earth!

Top 10 Things George W. Bush Can’t Be Blamed For This Week!

House Cleaning!
Call the show and be a part of the laughs. Our Skype name is behindcloseddoors and if you don’t use Skype, you can call us direct at 813-902-2345. The show tapes every Friday at 5PM Eastern Standard time. Start calling at 4:30 and we’ll get you on the show.

God Bless!

Check us out at www.dirtylittlecuban.com or on iTunes Podcast Behind Closed Doors.

If you’re gonna rob me of some of my soul by listening to this show, then Hate or Love us right now at rolando@dirtylittlecuban.com.

Vote for Behind Closed Doors at Podcast Alley!

Check out the Show, tell your friends about it, leave comments or email, listen together and argue about it.

Behind Closed Doors
EVERYBODY SAYS THIS STUFF; I JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD!

Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 32

The theme for this weeks broadcast – Why Bother Being Right? – It’s too much work.
The theme for last weeks broadcast – What Chicks Don’t Know – It’s a long, long list!

In this episode we welcome back Samantha Jennings Porn Star To The Poor, review last weeks show, and test if chicks i.e. Samantha really doesn’t know this shit. We missed out Dirty Sanchez last week. Beer burps run rampant on the show. Dirty is whining about his homework assignments. Listen to the Jeda cock block every time Samantha is on the show – stop trying to overcompensate, damn! Rolando ran on way too much trying to explain why Behind Closed Doors is the best fucking radio show anywhere.

Quotes:
“The only way I could get a good laugh right now is if I saw one of those Katyusha missiles hit Anderson Cooper”. – Dirty Little Mexican.

“There shittin’ in our food”-Jeda.

“I told you I got big plans for tonight” - Samantha Jennings.

“NASA can’t launch a peanut into space for under 45million dollars”- Jeda.

“He looked down and there was a cock in his ass and he discovered he was gay” – Rolando.

“If it isn’t brown, it’s not goin’ down”-Rolando.

“You know I’ve realized who in the formula of this show who Collin is, Ed McMahon” – Jeda.

“That’s where ten guys put their glue” – Rolando.

“She’s got some amazingly little fucked up things goin’ on in her head and I’d like to pull it apart and do the research myself” – Jeda.

“All guys will take any pussy offered to him” – Rolando.

“You can not blame a guy for taking pussy handed to him, it’s not his fault” – Rolando.

“Not only did you step on my turf, you shit in the yard too” – Collin.

“A bullet is 15 cents” – Rolando.

“Text who you want to die first, American Execution” – Rolando.

“I didn’t know a cuchi could make that noise” – Rolando.
He’d split you in half, but he’d love you” – Rolando.

“It came from the fucking stretch marks on the sides of your mouth” – Rolando.

“A black woman could have a pussy big enough to crawl into but because she’s got the black skin, it looks tiny” – Rolando.

“Fuck the homeless” – Rolando.

“Their eatin’ well, their balls are empty, life is good” – Rolando.

“I’m tired of workin’ for the mouse, fuck that motherfucker” – Rolando.

“Look motherfucker, you’re sellin’ balloons at Disney World, here’s 5 dollars, give me my fuckin’ balloon my kids gonna pop in 5 seconds and give me a God Damn smile, alright!” – Collin.

“Rolando’s actually a feed subscriber to the Gay Times” – Jeda.

Revelations!
Collin realizes he never contributes on any show.

Chicks hate each other.

Unless were talking about black cock, Samantha is out to lunch.

Everything is survival of the fittest.

We left Glazed Donut off the last show.

Scorched Earth Top 5!
The Dirty Little Mexican gives us the Scorched Earth Top 5 live from North Carolina. Not his funniest work, he seemed really angry. We lost him again. Fucking Phones.

Inventions and Creations
Rusty Sanchez: What happens when you mix a Rusty Trombone with a Dirty Sanchez

BCDictionary:
Baby Seal Club Sandwich – Made From Manatee Meet a.k.a Meef

Nigger From A Third World – Kofi Anon

Mad Crazy Person.

Observations & Other Shit

Hezbollah spelling Hell

Ragin’ Fred video on Fan Site

Clickable Jive Guy

I went out with one of those loud chicks with big tits that every chick hates on Friday night. Chicks fucking hate each other.

I went on the lamest date this past Saturday Night. Too many people, I paid the bill. Jeda talked me into, I knew better.

Being right all the time is more trouble than it’s worth. By the time I convince the idiots around me of the solution to any problem, I will have wasted more energy and time than I would have if I were just wrong in the first place and nobody ever cares when you’re right anyway.

I’ve contacted the Guinness Book of World Records because I believe I’ve set the record for the most comprehensive bullshit site of all time www.dirtylittlecuban.com.

Our Episode Descriptions are as close to an official archive as we’ve gotten to at this point. We work harder – I work harder, me and PJ work harder.

I can’t tell if PJ’s bitchin’ or just bringing it up.

Last weeks episode saw the Passion of the Jeda.

Best quotes from last week now available on the show description.

Whacked Teacher of The Week

Useless Study of the Week

Myspace Is Responsible For All That Is Evil On Earth

You Tube Is Responsible For All That Is Evil On Earth

Top 10 Things George W. Bush Can’t Be Blamed For This Week

House Cleaning
Call the show and be a part of the laughs. Our Skype name is behindcloseddoors and if you don’t use Skype, you can call us direct at 813-902-2345. The show tapes every Friday at 5PM Eastern Standard time. Start calling at 4:30 and we’ll get you on the show.

God Bless!

Check us out at www.dirtylittlecuban.com or on iTunes Podcast Behind Closed Doors.

If you’re gonna rob me of some of my soul by listening to this show, then Hate or Love us right now at rolando@dirtylittlecuban.com.

Vote for Behind Closed Doors at Podcast Alley!

Check out the Show, tell your friends about it, leave comments or email, listen together and argue about it.

Behind Closed Doors
EVERYBODY SAYS THIS STUFF; I JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD!

Has Anyone In Their Right Mind Ever Murdered Anyone?

Andrea Yates walks. Are you fucking kidding me? God, what the fuck is going on? How can this happen. I even heard her husband say at least now she get’s a nicer place and better food, not to mention at some time in the future she could be released for good if a judge sees fit. I swear to God I am living in a parallel universe where everything is the opposite of how it should be. It’s George Costanza the world over.

Where on earth can you gather a group of people that let this whore walk the streets? If she were a black woman, she would have been shot to death at the scene of the crime. If this were my wife, I would have killed her myself by shoving the bathtub she drowned her 5 children in up her ass, no matter how much force it took. Seems like a justifiable reaction to her actions.

I wish someone could please explain to me when anyone committing murder is in their right mind. I say never. If that’s the case than everyone who is committing murder is crazy and they all need to die. There is not 1 rational reason for allowing this woman to take another breath of air.

God, I’m begging you, take this bitch off the earth in some kind of prison, lesbian, broomstick, sodomy, torture that last at least twice as long as it took to drown her 5 children.

Running Low On Ammo During A War That You Started Is Just Poor Planning!

I want to take a second to read between the lines for those of you who aren’t capable of doing it on your own. All we have heard about the Israeli conflict is that Israel has used an inordinate amount of force overstepping their bounds, using way more force than is necessary and it’s not fair. Now we hear that Hezbollah is running low on rockets, poor little Hezzbolla. You should have that out before fucking with the Jews.

Anyone ever hear Richard Pryor trying to warn Jesus about the Jews. “I tried to warn the nigger I said boy don’t you fucking with them Jews without no money. Same thing goes for weapons, unless you’re bringin’ the heat, don’t fuck with Jews. They will kill you.

Now back to the reading between the lines. Whenever someone is accused of using too much force in a battle it’s because their opposition is getting their ass kicked, but that’s not a story since the wish has all it’s money on the underdog. Well this dog’s about to get neutered and with the help of shows like this, you will too.

I Can Think Of A Few Performances Other Than Piano I’d Like To See From Condoleeza Rice.

We all heard that Condi as those of us who have her on speed dial like to call her was off to the Middle East to try to come to some kind of resolution since G.W. told Tony Blair with a mouth full of food, she has to succeed. She can not fail. Well, she failed with diplomacy, but was able to impress some other people with her piano playing skills at an Asian Security conference.

I kinda had the hots for her before the piano thing, but now I gotta bone her or at least rub one out while watching the piano video. I know she ain’t the hottest bitch on the market, but that depends on what your definition of hot is. There’s only so many empty, mindless, shallow, insecure, double D’s a man can have before he reaches a breaking point, if you think I’m lying, why do you think men get married, so they can have only 1 piece of ass for the rest of their life, yeah that’s it. That and the no blowjob thing. If that ain’t good marketing, I don’t know what is.

There’s something about a strong black woman sitting naked at a piano, whistling through the gap in her teeth that drives me crazy.

Condi, I’m here and by the way, do you have any Cuban in you, you want some?

A Woman Claims To Be Related To Jesus & Mary Magdalene. Who Isn’t?

As if The Passion of the Jeda, The Passion of the Christ, the Davinci Code and a holly war weren’t enough to get your attention focused on God, this bitch comes out claiming to be directly related to the man with the best PR Agent in the biz right now. God’s getting’ mad press.

Simon & Shuster are not only publishing her book, they’re also dumping 250k in marketing on top of the 100k they gave her for the rights. I guess its good business to share her name with you just in case it’s true (Kathleen McGowan). Definitely want to be on the right side of this one, but just in case she’s not who she claims to be, I want to point out that every person on earth is directly descended from Jesus since he is the son of the originator of everything, except Jesse Jackson, Cindy Sheehan, Michael Moore, John Kerry, and Jeda.

Buck You Bush!

Even the mastermind of the conservative movement ain’t feeling you G.W.. William F. Buckley, who I believe is Rush Limbaugh’s hero thinks your fucking up royally killing any chance at a legacy you may have had.

Basically, he and I both think the war in Iraq is taking way too long because you’re only putting a half assed effort into it. Don’t attack a country without a plan for wipingit out with crushing, overwhelming force. No excuses!

Secondly he points out that you ran for office as a compassionate conservative. Why? The democrats have compassion sowed up, let them have it. A compassionate government doesn’t help anyone including those that need the help.

You are like a music artists that puts out an incredible first or maybe even second album, forgets what made them so popular in the first place, decided to discover new territory and slips into the musical abyss never to be seen or heard from again.

Stop fucking yourself in the ass and start fucking the enemy to include illegal employers.

Get your legacy back bitch!

That’s It; I’m Switching From Premium Unleaded To Starbucks!

Gas prices are at an all time high. So what. You want to help people, lower the cost while raising the quality of health care. How about not taxing me so fucking much to pay for people who continually make poor choices. I already have one child, I don’t need another. How about making it easier to employ people and let them get their own God damn benefits. I do it why can’t they.

Every time the price goes up a couple pennies the whole world freaks. If you stop going to Starbucks and getting a 4 dollar coffee everyday, I think you could use that money to ad at least 1 gallon of gas to your tank every day which would get you almost 20 miles a day if you have a newer car that’s not a giant SUV. For those of you that absolutely can’t stop going to Starbucks every day, just go, but poor the coffee in your gas tank.

Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 31

The theme for this weeks broadcast – What Chicks Don’t Know – It’s a long, long list!
The theme for last weeks broadcast – What Would Reagan Do? – Not This!

In our most misogynistic Passion of the Jeda episode we dive deep into the Abyss of things chicks don’t know, a topic we will have to revisit till the end of time just to scratch the surface. I knew the list was long, but I underestimated just how long. Here are just a few of them for your enjoyment.

What is a Spinner, Fisting, Lebanon, Butterface, Summerteeth, Tramp Stamp, Snowballing, Plumbkin, Rusty Trombone, Scat, Watersports, Squirting, DP, DVDA, DVDADO, Golden Shower,

“Men only experience 2 emotions – Horney & Hunger – If you don’t see me with a hardon, fix me a steak” – Dirty Little Mexican,

“All we think about is fucking you” – Jeda,

“When we’re looking at you all we are doing is cycling through all the ways of fucking you” – Jeda,

“You’ve been holding you’re tongues all day, hold it another hour” – Jeda,

“We know you’re broke” – Rolando,

“You’re all whores” – Rolando,

“They don’t know that they don’t know” – Jeda,

And finally “How good my cock taste” – Rolando.

Revelations!
Jeda comes to terms with being a sick, sick bastard.

The Dirty Little Mexican gives us our FCC violation scorecard.

Vonage Sucks!

TV is dead!

Scorched Earth Top 5!
The Dirty Little Mexican gives us the Scorched Earth Top 5 live from North Carolina.

Inventions and Creations
Scorched Google Earth!

BCDictionary:
Negrocentric

Observations & Other Shit
President Bush (Shit)

Why do drunk people always come up and ask you to play 1 more song?

I have no intention of buying dinner or drinks for a girl who has no intention of fucking me and that makes chivalry dead.

If it wasn’t for the freak counterpart, there couldn’t be freaks

Heaven forbid you try to turn in traffic even if you were about to hit the pope, wrecked car, meteorite

Whacked Teacher of The Week

Useless Study of the Week

Myspace Is Responsible For All That Is Evil On Earth

You Tube Is Responsible For All That Is Evil On Earth

Top 10 Things George W. Bush Can’t Be Blamed For This Week

House Cleaning
Call the show and be a part of the laughs. Our Skype name is behindcloseddoors and if you don’t use Skype, you can call us direct at 813-902-2345. The show tapes every Friday at 5PM Eastern Standard time. Start calling at 4:30 and we’ll get you on the show.

God Bless!

Check us out at www.dirtylittlecuban.com or on iTunes Podcast Behind Closed Doors.

If you’re gonna rob me of some of my soul by listening to this show, then Hate or Love us right now at rolando@dirtylittlecuban.com.

Vote for Behind Closed Doors at Podcast Alley!

Check out the Show, tell your friends about it, leave comments or email, listen together and argue about it.

Behind Closed Doors
EVERYBODY SAYS THIS STUFF; I JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD!

I’m Getting Really Tired Of Predicting The End Every Week! Can't We Just Get On With It For Christ’s Sake?

You may wonder why I bring Christ up in this conversation especially if you’re not familiar with the bible as a good Catholic School Boy such as myself is and the other reason is for all of us to start praying if you haven’t already done so.

I’m not a big believer in worrying. It is the most useless emotion a human being can engage in and it never accomplishes anything positive since the results of what you are worrying about mostly aren’t in your control.

With that in mind I am a firm believer in praying, according to the Bible you should pray for what you want as if it’s already happened, the same philosophy shared by the most successful people on earth. In other words, walk through life as if you already have and achieved all of your dreams. This accomplishes many things; it keeps your dreams crystal clear and at the top of your mind, it raises your self esteem, and makes you a much more positive person. The most important part of all of this is walking by faith and not needing any evidence of success.

Why on earth would that be important and won’t people think your crazy? 1st off most people who are not achievers and dreamers think those that are are crazy, Fuck them, secondly in faith believing is seeing and not the other way around. Seeing is believing when it comes to life is stupid since most of the time you are incorrectly assessing what you are seeing.

At this point you have got to be asking yourself, ROLANDO, what the fuck is wrong with you, you’re going all Jesus on me. I am and I’m not. Going back to the Bible, the part of the world where all hell breaks loose and Jesus comes back is playing out right in front of our eyes.

The evidence for the End Of Times is all around us. Israel has decided to stop taking shit from its enemies and puttin’ the smack down to include killing innocent people who get in the way, which I wholeheartedly agree with. That will keep the next generation of assholes in check i.e. Japan anyone?

The U.S. again catching heat for something they have nothing to do with. People the world over are pissed at us for not pressuring Israel to stop defending itself and it’s land. Israel is not going to stop until it decimates its enemies. You can only keep a constantly taunted dog on a leash for so long.

Israel is fighting for its independence which any free nation should kill for. Another crazy leader is making illogical demands while committing atrocities, boldly in front of the whole world. The U.N. and Russia are screaming the same stupid message. Cease fire, but they’re talking to Israel, not Hezbollah (the bully that started the whole thing). They’re also claiming Israel is using too much force. This really bothers me.

When you’re in a war, how can there be such a thing as too much force. If warring nations brought out the entire can of whup ass from the beginning wars could be over in an afternoon instead of pussyfootin’ around for 10 years. Decide how many people you’re willing to kill in a ten year period, kill that many on day 1 and go the fuck home. It will save billions of dollars coast a lot fewer lives and we can all get back to watching porn instead of the president saying shit and massaging an old fat lady on the net.

Why The Fuck Is Anyone Not On A Suicide Watch List Living In Or Vacationing In The Middle East?

Let’s re-visit just for a minute if we could Darwin’s’ Theory of Natural Selection. According to Wikipedia ( listen to the show ) which is probably the single greatest cause of all the problems humans face. We keep bailing out stupid people, people not fit to breathe air so they and their children continue to do stupid shit and it’s these mental defectives that bring down the rest of us with the time, money and energy expended to save these morons from themselves.

There is no logical excuse to be camping out in the Middle East. NOT ONE! Then when we do bail you out, you bitch about the bill, yet Middle Eastern taxi drivers and gas stations are gouging people on a scale that makes U.S. gouging look like a joke. For the record, I think gouging is a great solution to the problem and it further entrenches my favorite pastime of all, Capitalism.

If you’re stupid enough to be there in the first place, I’m all for the taxi ride out of town costing 10,000 per person + gas, pre-paid of course. You’re other option is to stay and take your chances since you took them in the first place. My favorite part of the Israeli / Lebanese conflict is I finally get the score of the game. Israeli forces are killing Hezbollites 10 to one with a score of 306 to 29. That fucking rocks.

Let’s not forget bug fat pussy terrorist supporter extraordinaire, Omar Bakri who left Britain in March while bragging about getting a one way ticket out and never wanting to go back, until bombs starting dropping all around him. Now he’s pleading with British official to go back to his exiled home.

I did mention Natural Selection, Right. Go Fuck Yourself!

This Is Not The Missile Test I Had In Mind!

In response to the assholes in N. Korea, the U.S. claims to have successfully launched a Minuteman III missile yesterday. Funny, I just pulled up N. Korea on Google Earth and it’s still there. What do they mean by successfully launched? Obviously I have higher standards than our government when it comes to missile launching. I know, I know, the images seen on Google Earth are years behind reality, but even if they were 10 years behind, N. Korea still shouldn’t be there.

When I Google Earth a third world country that wants us dead, I want to see a giant hole. Even if it’s not real, I want Google Earth to show me a giant hole that’s still smoldering. Here’s the next viral web site folks, Scorched Google Earth. I guaranty the person that can make that happen will be taking interviews on all the major talk shows.

Just remember, I gave you the idea.

Roland a.k.a. The Dirty Little Cuban.

The Best Case For Pre-Parental Testing!

An 8 year old girl get’s raped in a park in broad daylight and police are questioning a man. They should be questioning and euthanizing her mother. This little girl way in a park with her 7 year old brother as her only protection from shit like this. Then the mother of the accused states it wasn’t his fault because he has mental problems. I agree and I don’t care. If you know your son is crazy and capable of hurting someone and you let him out with being chained to your ankle, you die too.

It’s so, so sad that the only qualification for being a parent is the ability to spread your legs or drop your goo. Why isn’t there a test? If you have mental problems, no kids for you, if you’re stupid, no kids, if your gay, no kids, if you have a criminal record, no kids etc… etc… etc…

The world isn’t getting any better with the current residents, stop making the problem worse.

Viva worldwide Uteral Removals!

This Is Exactly Why Our President Should Never Have Supreme Authority.

It appears that state leaders in our country have listened even if our countries top leadership has not. If you recall a heated discussion I had with Money Mike, also known as Sauerkraut in regards to the whole Katrina fiasco, I tried diligently to explain to him why our President can not and should never have supreme authority of the people.

States all over the country are passing laws or enforcing laws to prohibit education, healthcare, anything and everything they can to make being an illegal in this country not worth bothering with. It’s about fucking time someone did something. If we were the socialist dictatorship Mike wanted us to be, these steps could not be possible.

Thanks to our brilliant forefathers, they are, now get the fuck out you illegal bastards! You’re not wanted. Get a fucking clue!

Minutes Left For The Minutemen.

Why is it that almost every organization no matter how good it’s intentions are has some scum bags in it that rob it blind of money collected from good, decent people? You always have to watch the money, but more importantly watch the people handling the money and the Minutemen are no exception. An organization like this is too important to act like the government and loose money by stupidity.

Get your shit together guys, change leadership and fix the problem.

America needs you.

Yahoo Takes A Poopoo.

How does a company that dominates the marketplace in a fairly new medium take a dive and loose a bunch of cash? By being lazy. I can’t remember the last breakthrough in technology or service Yahoo has introduced and if you’re gonna be in the Internet game, you can’t last with that kind of work ethic. Yahoo is getting its ass handed to them by Google and Google will continue to destroy them if they don’t get a handle on the situation.

Yahoo, I know I’m no dot com billionaire; however you chose the wrong business to be sitting on your hands in. I like your cowboy sounding Yahoo thingy, if and when I hear it, but it ain’t enough. If I am ever fortunate enough to have something as successful as Yahoo, you can bet your ass I’m not gonna sit on mine, I will keep pushing forward to break new ground and be the best until I’ve decided I’ve made enough money, then sell it off to someone else so they can give it a try.

Pull your heads out, don’t just lay there. Every American enjoys a little competition, give Google a run for their money, I hate fucking monopolies.

Why Is It Necessary To Tell Anyone To Stay Out Of The Heat?

A so called heat wave hits Nellyville and people are dropping like flies because they’re too stupid to leave. The National Guard has actually been called evacuate people form their homes and go somewhere with working air. These people better be handicapped in some way shape or form. Why do people need to be rescued from everything? Why don’t they just get our on their own? Will personal responsibility ever come back to America?

These are the questions that keep me awake at night and that and why is my penis so small.

Chasing The Almighty Dollar No Matter What.

Microsoft, Google and Yahoo are not only filtering their content to please the Chinese government, they are also handing over personal information of its user which results in them going to prison. I totally get following the rules of a country in order to do business with them. I also get handing over information about its users if the government demands it. What I don’t understand is how you could sleep at night if one of your users got sent to a Chinese prison as a result of handing over the information.

There should never be cart blanch, blanket protection of internet users; these problems should be dealt with on a case by case basis; that way Al-Queda operating out of the U.S. could be prosecuted. There comes a time in everyone’s life where you have to decide where you are on an issue and what is the right thing to do. I personally wouldn’t do business with China unless an agreement to not filter the content were in place from day 1. There is no amount of money that would be worth it for me.

Believe me; I am all for capitalism, but not at any cost. If these 3 companies pulled together and pulled out of China simultaneously, they might not change Chinese policy, but they would set China back another 200 years. There are way more important things in life than money and the leasers of those 3 companies will find out when they die.

Remember – Jesus is watching you. Bitch!

Too Bad Bush Can’t Do This Shit.

This is funny. Venezuela’s government is claiming that their justice system is completely autonomous with regards to the wonderful Hugo Chavez’s submission of the press in order to push his agenda. 1st off, I don’t think you can believe anything that comes out of Venezuela. They do have hot bitches though. The best part of all is that our press loves a man that silences, imprisons and kills journalists in his part of the world.

I want G. W. to start whacking the press. In fact you know that game “Whack-a-mole”, I hope someone custom made a “Whack-the-press” game for him. I’ll get the bumper stickers right now, “If it’s not ok with Hugo, than you go” or something like that. “If you don’t like bush, than lick my tush”. I wish Americans would realize that being American or the President of the United States isn’t a popularity contest. You do what you have to do to move forward with a democracy protecting the rights and freedoms and liberties of all people. That is not an easy task and it pisses most of the world off.

Jealousy is a bitch. It’s good to be King, but it ain’t easy.

Behind Closed Doors Radio Show # 30

The theme for this weeks broadcast – What Would Reagan Do? – Not This!
The theme for last weeks broadcast – America – Why It’s Infinitely Better Than The Shithole You Came From!

In this episode the attorney up the ass torch has been passed from Jeda to The Dirty Little Mexican. Samantha-Pornstar to the Poor and Collin are MIA. The studio smelled a lot better for it. Why does The Dirty Little Mexican get all my email? WTF? We still have no sponsors. We do show prep so you and Glenn Beck don’t have to.

PJ “The Dirty Little Mexican” reviews our last episode. Now a part of every show.

Our first caller: Tony Montana calls from LA and has to run since the cops are after him.

Interesting Observations & Other Shit.

Review of last weeks show according to the Dirty Little Mexican.

News Flash! California’s on fire again.

BIG DIG Boston – when it’s your turn, it’s your turn.

Tantric – can you control your orgasms with your head?

Tony Montana calls in from L.A.

Rash of shit from client about my divorce situation. – Whatever get’s you through the night. Why do we have to fight? Whenever someone who hasn’t done or been through what you have gives you advice, run!

Democrat Congressional Committee commercial showing bodies of dead American soldiers in flag draped coffins, not 1 enemy dead body. America needs a new direction. Why?

Conservative T-Shirts

Girls walk tits first. Why? I see them. Believe me.

Man professed his love for me at a Karaoke party. Sang To Me.

Whenever someone is labeled down to earth its because they’re rich and happen to be cool.

Excellent listener email this week. They really get the show.

Tony Montana calls again after he looses the cops.

Crazy Cat People, Crazy Pet People.

Call the show and be a part of the show. Our Skype name is behindcloseddoors and if you don’t use Skype, you call call us direct from 813-902-2345. The show tapes every Friday at 5PM Eastern Standard time. Start calling at 4:30 and we’ll get you on the show.

BCDictionary:

And finally we also cover

The Dirty Little Mexican Scorched Earth Top 5.

Whacked Teacher of The Week

Useless Study of the Week

Myspace Is Responsible For All That Is Evil On Earth

Top 10 Things George W. Bush Can’t Be Blamed For This Week

And a bunch of other stuff. This was a great show. Check it out for yourself.

God Bless!

If you’re gonna rob me of some of my soul by listening to this show, then Hate or Love us right now at rolando@dirtylittlecuban.com.

Vote for Behind Closed Doors at Podcast Alley!

Check out the Show, tell your friends about it, leave comments or email, listen together and argue about it.

Behind Closed Doors
EVERYBODY SAYS THIS STUFF; I JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD!

The End Is Here! Finally! What Would Reagan Do?

You’ve heard me say in the past the end is near, well everything changed this week. It’s no longer near its here and I say it’s about God Damned time. You may ask as a father and a patriot in every sense of the word why on earth would I welcome the end. Mostly because I don’t believe it will be our end.

In case you’ve been living under a very heavy, dark, quite rock, the shit really hit the fan this week. Let’s review. A Bombay train was blown to shit, we’re still in the aftermath of North Korea firing off seven missiles at least 1 of which had the capability to hit US soil, Iran still has its nuclear head up its ass, terror plots to fuck up the U.S. are popping up like race cards, Everyone On Earth Hates America, Palestine fucked with Israel, always a bad move, mea